Slowly Waiting For Things to Come Together...

This week I am supposed to start work. I'm really stressing over money and I'm so tired of being stuck at home with nothing to do. The only good thing in my life right now is Christian. It's amazing how one little person can just make all your problems just go away and your just happy. He is growing so fast and learning so much. He has gotten so independent and his personality has officially come through. He is just like me in so many ways and I praise God for that. He is what the glue that holds me together when my world is falling apart and I couldnt be happier with how I am raising him.

It feels like I'm in the slow lane here lately. I'm not in school and work is so slow that I rarely work. I feel like I'm not doing what I should those areas of my life. I've always had a plan to be doing it all and being successful at it. Now it's like that plan has slowly faded and I'm just stuck going through the notions. I want a different job, but finding one these days is few inbetween. I wanted to start school this semester, but I ended up getting sick and missing the dead line for my application. I'm just waiting for a sign to tell me what to look for and where to start. I just hope it's soon because I'm honestly drowning!

Not a Baby Anymore :(

Christian turns two years old on Friday :( I'm so sad. We already had his party because we thought I would be coming off of my meds and I could be sick again. It was so cute seeing him get all excited for his party. When we sang happy birthday he just cheered and had a blast. It was a bitter sweet moment to experience. Now this weekend is a different story. Friday is his birthday and then Saturday Josh is wanting to throw a party with his family. It really makes me angry that he won't take off work on Friday night so we could do something as a family, but he will take off work so his family can have a party. Honestly right now him seeing Christian is a rough subject. It has become the type of experience to where I dread every Monday and Tuesday. Sad to say. Between completely bailing or bringing him home early because he can't get him to nap its just too stressful. Just ridiculous.

I'm all for Christian being involved with his dad considering that idk who my real dad is. But when the dad only cares about him those two days and never pulls through for him it really doesnt make him a great figure. Right?? I'm not just imagining things? I want whats best for Christian and a part time dad figure just doesn't cut it in my eyes. I just don't know where to go from here with this situation. I want him around, but not when he can't be a responsible parent and actually take care of him. Thats my dilema right now.

Besides all the baby daddy drama, Christian having his birthday this weekend is really got me excited. I can't wait! :)

Wow its been a while...

Well its been a while since I've blogged. Things have been so crazy here lately that I haven't had time like I'd like. Most recently I've been in and out of the hospital. I've been unofficially diagnosed with Still's disease. It's complicated to explain so just google it. lol I have good days and bad days. When I have a bad day it's mostly spent laying around trying not to move since it affects my joints. The worst part of this whole thing is that we are having Christian's birthday early because I'll be coming off of my medicine to see if I have another reaction or not. From what we understand if I do have one then I'll be on medicine for the rest of my life to control everything. So right now I'm just praying for some good news in some sort of way.

Christian will be turning two in a couple of weeks. It's so sad. :( My little baby is growing up so fast and he's learning so much everyday. He is so smart and picks up on things so quick. He amazes me everyday at what he does and says. Hopefully he keeps growing and learning like he does now. I love him SO much!

But thats really all for now. Nothing else has really been going on to blog about. My life is pretty boring since I can't work or really do anything. August 10th is when I go back to the doctor so I'm just keeping my fingers crossed!